“Why are you wearing that?” Jenna demanded to know, eyes agog at her father’s T-shirt. It was bright red with a drawing of a rocket ship and the words “I Got Blasted at Max’s Bar Mitzvah.” It was extra-large; Jenna had given it to him four years ago after Max’s bar mitzvah, which, if Bram remembered correctly, was held in a terminal at Newark Airport and featured a retired, alcoholic astronaut who autographed each one. It was one of two clean T-shirts left in his drawer. After Liz enacted the “everyone does their own laundry,” policy when the school year began, Bram kept neglecting to do his laundry until he was down to clothes that were basically unwearable.

From Chapter 1 – Tang, Le Boisson des Astronautes!

“I understand we’re drinking the Chateau Mouton Rothschild tonight. And I can’t drink that while wearing jeans and a CBGB T-shirt,” Bram said.

“Absolument,” Joan agreed as she turned to her husband, “Time to dress for dinner, shall we?”

Chapter 11 – It’s Our Tradition

It was their New Year’s Day tradition. Though formal in pose, everyone dressed casually. The first year Bram wore a T-shirt with the faces of Karl and Groucho Marx. Since then, Liz would buy him a Lacoste polo that he grudgingly wore. Even with preppy attire he still stood out in contrast to the family until Rob’s marriage to Gloria added some additional color. She and Bram had an inside joke to never stand next to each other, lest they be mistaken for the housemaid and pool boy who accidently wandered by.

From Chapter 13 – A Narrow Catwalk Around A Watertower

When Bram first moved in, she was concerned about closet space, but he traveled light with a wardrobe consisting of a few pairs of jeans and an assortment of permanently wrinkled shirts. This included IDF and Kinneret Swim T-shirts that he rarely wore but would not part with.

From Chapter 14 – Let’s Go With the Armani

“Tressa seems nice.”

“We’ll get along…but did you notice her dad? He was checking you out.”

“Huh? Moi? Doesn’t he have,” and he used air quotes like Jenna did earlier, “a design assistant?”

“No, the other dad.”

“Oh, you mean Dr. Rudy? The grown-up Rolf from The Sound of Music? Nah, he was envious of my fine taste in clothing,” Bram said as he looked down at his T-shirt that depicted overflowing green liquid and the words “Visualize Whirled Peas” under it.

From Chapter 25 – Isn’t That Something?

“Yes, and as a member of the wedding party, Cliff has selected your outfit.”

Bram looked at her. “Was he nervous I’d wear my T-shirt that says, Eat the Rich?”

“All the men are wearing blue blazers, white linen pants, ties from Harrods and straw boaters. I sent him your size and Theo’s too. You’re both going to look very Gatsby.”

“Will you and the girls be dressing a la Daisy Buchanan?”

Chapter 26 – The New Loire Valley

“And you?” the waitress asked Bram with her eyes on his T-shirt that listed books banned somewhere in the United States.

“Coke, please.” Theo and Chrissy looked at their father.

“No, Dad! You can’t order Coke!” Theo shouted.

“Dad, Coca-Cola is a horrible company. They kill babies,” Chrissy added.

“They’re evil!” said Theo. “Did you know it’s addictive and they’re racist murderers? They went to Colombia and opened factories and bribed people and they forced the children to drink it.” In a loud voice Theo began to sing, “Coca-Cola came to Colombia, seeking lower wages, the baby drinks it in his bottle when the water ain’t good, the dog drinks it but don’t know if he should, some folks say it’s the nectar of the gods.” Then as he did a drum roll on the table all three children shouted, “BUT COKE IS THE DRINK OF THE DEATH SQUADS!” Chrissy and Jenna clapped.

“I’ll put the order in now, and you can let me know about your beverage,” said the waitress, shaking her head as she walked away.

“Is Pepsi better?” their father asked.

Chapter 26 – The New Loire Valley